Picture this: every time I prepare to drive the new car– it’s a BMW, we’ll get to this in a minute–-the gearhead follows me, explaining the myriad things that “could” go wrong with it. He huddles down beside me as I put on my shoes, he runs after me as I navigate the long driveway, explaining how I MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY if any of the “idiot lights” come on, or the engine sounds like this [insert strange whirring noise], or the car seems to lose power all of a sudden [wife edits: in which case, technically, I would be stopped already wouldn’t I?]. I’m not embarking on a pleasure cruise, instead I’m trying to cram all the errands and kid activities that need to fit within the brackets of a weekend. The prospect of sitting on the side of the highway with a “maybe” broken down car, waiting for the gearhead to show up with his magical mechanic hands, is not a welcome one. I often elect to take a different car from our growing “fleet”. If I use the word “reliable” I know it will really hurt his feelings, so let’s pretend I didn’t. Let’s back up a bit.
When the car arrived, a BMW station wagon with all the bells and whistles as they say, I was impressed. It even had a dent in the back door hatch, right above the left hand taillight.
“I’ll have to fix that,” said the gearhead.
“No! That’s my ticket to not worrying about getting the car scratched!”
I joked that he’d kill me if I marked up a newly painted car. “I’d divorce you,” he said, quite seriously, a look of pain crossing his face. “It’s that easy?!” I quipped and watched the twitch in his jaw tick away the yawning silence.
Here’s the issue with the BMW. You’re an a@#hole if you drive one. It’s true. It’s scientifically proven. So I’m not sure what the gearhead is trying to tell me. You know how you can say anything with flowers? Maybe I should take the cue from kid number two…she’s constantly singing, complete with big broadway hand gestures, “[s]He had it comin’”, you know, that song from the musical Chicago?
So no recipe with this one; I was going to write about how to create the perfect martini, but it’s 6 am and I don’t think that would be a good start to a workday.